So how do we become strong, dependable, even independent without becoming…..a feminist?
In the words of Matthew Hussey:
Having to do everything yourself is a form of weakness. Because all it is is trying to validating yourself by showing how strong you are….
(and then I am paraphrasing this a little to put it in my own words)
The weakest woman can’t do anything for herself,
A weak woman will do everything for herself,
And the strongest woman says, I know I can do it myself, but it’s a lot more fun if someone else does it. (and I am not talking about the princess type or girls that blackmail, or bribe people into doing things for them.)
You see we’ve grown up in a society and culture that doesn’t just cheat men of their manhood, it is also cheating us out of our femininity.
A few weeks ago a friend asked me…”How are you a strong woman…but not a feminist.”
And this question took me back…because for years I’ve been a very strong woman, and I’ve struggled with finding a balance between my strength and being feminine.
No, I wasn’t fast, no I didn’t beat up all of the boys….or anything like that. But…I’ll be honest, I am as strong as a lot of boys, moving things, picking up heavy lifting, (my brother stopped picking on me when it became a fair draw…it’s no fun to pick on someone when they can equal you,) people call on me. I’ve grown into the role of looking after people, making sure people are protected, opening doors for people…etc…but has that robbed me of my feminism? For a long time, I didn’t care if I put boys off…you think you can do it? Well, I can do it too! Just watch me! One of my goals in life was to prove that you can do anything and everything in a skirt… Hike up waterfalls? Yes, Ride a horse? Yes, Climb a fence? Yes…all in a dress or a skirt and being modest about it. You bet I can.
But as I grew up, I realized…that just because you can, doesn’t mean you want to…
That being strong, can also mean lonely, or eventually, make you feel taken advantage of it…that people don’t expect you to be weak, and that you can just take things…over and over and over again and take it because you are strong.
So a new journey almost unconsciously began, and now…it has become more purposeful. Life is a form of art…and I am learning the art of feminism.
Now I am not talking about damsel in distress syndrome, but the simple art of living as a woman.
Don’t be afraid of weakness.
Asking for help doesn’t make you weak.
We aren’t perfect and asking for help isn’t a crime.
Knowing your strengths and weaknesses is a good thing, and makes for a stronger and wiser person.
(After all you have nothing to fear, but fear itself…)
Just because YOU can do it yourself….doesn’t mean you have to.
This is something that can be really hard. Just because I can open a door for myself doesn’t mean I can’t let/get a guy to do it for me…and appreciate it. (That goes a long way to keeping chivalry alive. Maybe you’re saying, “Ugh! If a guy’s ego can’t take me opening my own door then he should get a life.” Maybe, but then again he took the time and effort to get the door for you, take the time and effort to appreciate it…even if you didn’t need it.)
Be a peacemaker
It’s easy to pick fights, tease, and be argumentative over things…and it can be fun. However, if it is a constant lifestyle, it can maybe be too much and cause discord. Look for chances to bring peace and make win-win situations.
|I don’t own anything, not my pic!
Thanks, Disney! <3
I had a fun one a few weeks ago. People were arguing over if an actress was beautiful or not, and of course, there were fans and well anti-fans. When I was asked for my opinion, I gave in a few seconds to muse and answered.
“We are all made in the image of God, I think she is perfect.” This…though perhaps not the answer they were looking for or technically even an opinion brought the argument to a close and peace.
Sometimes there are two parties having an argument, and you can see both sides, use this as an opportunity to help them come to a conclusion that is peaceful and practical for both.
It can be really hard if you are in situation where you can see the other person’s point of view, but they can’t see yours, and I am still working on making myself be understood well….it can be really hard to make people understand, but I am also learning when to “retreat”, if they simply choose to not understand, sometimes you must just let them have their way, or find a delicate way to remove yourself from the situation.
And while the battle of the sexes can be funny and entertaining…realize that it can also cause harm. So if you’re having banter and exchanges of sharp wit enjoy it! Also be aware of the damage it can cause. Just because men are strong it doesn’t mean they are Superman, they have their own kryptonite to deal with.
Once again in the words of Matthew Hussey:
Men need women,
Women need men
Life just isn’t as fun without them.